Once Upon A TV Show
by Obsessive-Gal
Summary: Yeah, this is my shot at making a "ask a character anything" fiction. Note, that nothing in this is real, and you should not try any of this at home. If reviews are rather mean, or make me swear like the Norse Gods, then I will say "Hey, I'd like to see you try it." Dont be a jerk, (or a bully)...
1. Episode 1

**A/N: Hello people of earth! (and if you're not- Go figure! Me too!) One day I was reading these fanfictions where reviewers asked a character questions, and they were forced against their will to answer them. So I thought- "Hey, if they can do it, why can't I?" So there it is, down below, just in case you don't have eyes. In case of any confusion, I.I. stands for Illegal Immigrant, and she is indeed my little sister, who was nice enough to personally give me questions to start me off.**

**And then she pushed me down the stairs.**

**Also, please follow this. Do you know how hard it is to find that one fiction you forgot to follow and favorite, while skimming through all the new ones from that very morning? Don't be that person. **

**I dont own OUAT by the way.**

**Me: **Hey friends and enemies! Welcome to this first "episode". Right now, I have only two questions, and they're both from my...real sister.

**I.I.:**_ *_popping out of nowhere* Oh yeah! I'm the only host on the show right now!

**Me: **If you want to help me, then go to my profile and vote on my poll. Some people don't because they can't understand how important it is.

**I.I.: **I can feel the power coming to my body already...

**Me: **Okay, whatever. Now, can we please welcome my dad, the always fabulous Mr. Gold!

*he strides in, or waltzes, in both cases it creeps me out*

**Gold: **Hello dearie, metaphorical audience, and my daughters...strange creature friend...

**I.I.:** I'm the strange creature? You may not realize this, but everyone thinks you're a freak.

**Me:** I'm not gonna disagree with any of that. Now, Mr. Gold...you're the first guest, anything you'd like to say to the audience?

**Gold: **Yes, actually *cough* For all of you men who've checked out Belle in any of the four episodes she's appeared in, just remember. Magic. Is. Back. And I will hunt you down and kill you. She's mine.

**Me: **0.o...right...Well I guess I can ask a question now. Illegal Immigrant-

**I.I.: **That's me by the way- Hello there!

**Me: ***sigh* Anyway, Illegal Immigrant says-

**"****Why're you so stupid, stupid? So anyways, now that my P.M. is over, why would you dig in the ground when the portal was already gone?! Your son was right, you are a coward!"**

**Gold: **You do realize I have a cane?

**I.I.: **Yeah, but you can't assault a girl.

**Me: **Do you mind answering, or...

**Gold: **Surely. It was a spur of the moment thing, plus, stress does strange things to the human brain. I'm still trying to find Baelfire.

**I.I.: **And he'll be glad to know that you've been goofing off untill the curse was enacted.

**Me: **Before this turns into a blood bath, let's read the second one! She asks again-

**"Take a shower! Oh and brush your teeth, update your wardrobe, brush your teeth, get a heart, brush your teeth, cut your hair. Oh, and...BRUSH YOUR TEETH!"**

**Gold:** I take showers, and I do brush my teeth! I do have a heart. Don't believe me, ask Obsessive-Gal or Belle.

**Me: **It's true.

**Gold: **I had my hair cut when I was a teenager, and I was not really attractive. I started growing it out, and then, poof! Women were all over me!

**I.I.: **And then you got old.

**Gold: **|:(Yes. But obviously one woman thinks I'm good looking.

**Me: **Someone just set themselves up for sarcasm.

**I.I.: **She was in an assylum for 28 years.

**Gold: **Oh yeah! Let's see how you're so snippy when you can't speak intelligible english!

**Me: **Alright...I should wrap this up before someone gets killed. And Illegal Immigrant isnt the one I'm worried about.

*I shake my head as I.I. begins to cluck like a chicken*

**I.I.: **Buck-Buck-Buck!

**Gold: ***summons his purple magic* Prepare to die!

**Me: **Okay, buh-bye!


	2. When no one reviews or asks questions

**A/N: With the lack of any questions or reviews, I'm just gonna write a filler episode, because I really don't want to work on my Science project right now.**

**Me: **So far people, Henry is winning for co-host. Isnt that awesome?

**Henry: **Thankyou for voting for me on her poll. I didnt know I was that appreciated.

**Me: **It's because you're so darn cute!

**Henry: **I know. I'm sorry people haven't asked any questions in reviews yet.

**Me: **Don't fret young one, we'll make it through this. I think...

*Mr. Gold walks past them*

**Me: **Hello Papa, guess what?

**Gold: **You've stopped obsessing over the show every single day until the next episode?

**Me: **Nope.

**Gold: **Illegal Immigrant jumped off a cliff I hope?

**Me: **Uhhhh, no...

**Gold: **All Once Upon A Time slash has been taken down from the site?

**Me: **I wish...no offense to anyone who supports it.

**Gold: **No, all the offense is enlisted.

**Me: **I don't like any of your guesses.

**Gold: **I don't like your attitude.

**Me: **Neither do I. What I was gonna say was that nobody has voted for you so far.

**Gold: **Why? I thought most girls on here think I'm the most sexiest thing on earth.

**Me: **No, they think you're the most _smexiest _thing _in the universe. _But, I guess it's because people think I would get along with Henry well.

**Henry: **Paige got a vote too! Yay!

**Me: **He's an example of a fanboy, to all who don't know what it is.

**Gold: **I'll try not to be ticked off by this. Aren't you supposed to be at your "studio"?

**Me: **Only if someone asks a question in the reviews.

**Gold: **Ah-hah. Does that mean I can convert the attic into my own personal museum?

**Me: **You mean "Mr. Gold's Pawn Shop the second"? No, no you can't. That area is strictly mine and mine only.

**Gold: **Temper Temper. *blinks a few times* Isnt your Science project due Wednesday?

**Me: **I'll do it after the episode tonight! Geeze people! I can take care of myself ya know.

**Gold and Henry: **No you can't.

**Me: **Jerks. I have a schedule book too.

**Gold: **And where is that?

**Me: **It's...uh...where did I put it again...?

**Gold: **I want you to go home and work on your project.

**Me: ***Ace Ventura* Alrighty then. Remember kitties ask a question to **ANY **character, and it will be answered. It also can be a dare. Just to spice it up, but, keep it at K+ okay? Love you all!

**Gold: **Thankyou, I love you too.


	3. Episode 2

**Me: ***sort've sniffling* Hello people! I'm not crying just because I'm watching the part where Jefferson is reunited with Grace over and over again. It's because I got my first review for this story from "meh" and she said "stupid". Gods, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all, alright? Since this person was a guest, I was able to delete, without reporting abuse. Thankyou to the people who responded very nicely by the way. Now, in the questions for today, we have, Gold, again, Charming, and, Snow...let's find them in a little montage shall we?

**Montage initiated...**

*walks downstairs to the kitchen, Gold sits, while trying desperately to finish the Sunday's crossword*

**Me: **Papa, I'm sorry that I have to pull you out of your "important" business, but, duty calls. *points up the stairs*

**Gold: ***sigh, he takes the longest time to get up*

**3 minutes later...**

*Gold is now sitting in an extremely comfy chair*

**Me: **Now, you stay here while I'm gone...

**In the town...**

*Charming and Henry are playing with swords, I come, and knock him out*

**Henry: **...why?

**Me: **It's a matter of life or death buddy. The good news is, you're still winning! By the way, this'll go on 'till the 21'st of October. 'Kay?

**Fairytale land...**

*I kidnap Snow while her guard is down- around Emma*

**Me: **I know, I'm such a terrible person.

**Back at the studio...**

**Me: **I'm back from the pointless montage Papa.

**Gold: ***rolls eyes* Oh Gods.

*Snow and Charming come to*

**Snow: **Charming!

**Charming: **Snow!

**Me: **Ooopsy. *puts them on seperate sides of the room* The directors would be so dissapointed in me if I ruin the series wouldnt they?

**Gold: **The raging turmoil that is Once Upon A Time.

**Me: **Hey, no making fun. Now, do you two know why you're here?

*shake heads*

**Me: **To clear up what the audience doesnt get of course! Sillies! Now, our first question is from the always wonderful, **Snow Whitex Prince Charming! **

**-Ok can I ask Snow why she drank that stupid potion King George gave her? YOU DON'T DRINK ANYTHING HE OFFERS YOU! And Emma THERE'S AN OGRE ****C****OMING Run. RUn. RUN. RUN. RUN!**

**Me: **Answer please.

**Snow: **Well, I...I don't know actually...probably because I was so thirsty, and the glass of water was right there...

**Me: **I'll take it. Also, will you please tell Emma to not make any loud noises. The last thing we fans need is for the Ogres to come. *embarassed* I, actually barfed. True story. *to Gold* You are no longer a coward in my eyes. You are a man of steel, who can out run and ogre.

**Gold: ***smiling like a jackass* Thankyou.

**Me: **Someone actually wants to know something about you Charming. *streamers and balloons start to fall out of no where* A guest asks-

**-I would like to ask Charming/David: Why do you feel the need to CRY in EVERY  
episode?**

**Me: **OMG I LOVE YOU!

**Charming: **It's not because I'm sensitive or anything...*wipes a tear from his eye*

**Me: **That's why you cry everytime "The Voice" is on?

**Snow: **Awwwwwwwww, sweetie...

**Me: **No contact! **Anonymous **asks-

**So, I know you've already done Gold, but I have two questions for him. One: Emma  
owes you a favor, and has a talent for finding people. Why haven't you cashed  
in and asked her to find Bae yet? And two: when are you gonna tell Belle about  
Bae?**

**Gold: **Okay, uhhh, you know, it's pretty hard to get someone to find a person for you when they're in another demension.

*I kick him*

**Gold: **Alright...you mean, when am I gonna tell Belle I'm looking for Bae? Well, that's also sort of hard when she won't even talk to me right now...

**Me: **Oh, the hardships of going from true love, to "true-love".

**Everyone: **0.o...

**Me: **Do you know how hard it is to keep this PG? That's it for now, just remember to ask questions or dares! Aurvoir!

**Snow: **When did you start taking French?


	4. Hello sorry :(

Dear Readers,

Hello, this is Insanity's Breaking Point posting for Obsessive Gal. Obsessive Gal will not be posting anytime in the near future. Until further notice she has hereby retired from Fan-fiction. I know that a few of you eagerly await her updates but in the last few months a lot has happened and so she has decided that she will no longer read or write on this site. Her profile will remain up but will also remain inactive until a time where she sees fit to start up again.

Until further notice,

Insanity's Breaking Point


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